Today Ryan and I FINALLY had a decent conversation about our decision. I learned he wants to do IVF! Unsurprisingly, he vented quite a bit of frustration with Dr. Mean’s request for ANOTHER semen sample, because it’s always awkward and always bad news. Naturally, Ryan has also felt uneasy about money. I learned all these great insights into my husband’s mind over text messaging.
A little ridiculous and frustrating that Ryan can’t just talk about his feelings to my face like any female, but I’ll take whatever medium of communication I can get.
Ryan’s reluctance to talk about this decision has been very vexing for my inner People Pleaser. You see, if there were a personality scale to measure the People Pleasing quality, I’d be off the charts. It’s bad how much my desire to please dictates my actions and emotions, and I’m working in it.
Still, when I see Ryan’s obvious discomfort, the people pleaser within wants to shout “I’m sorry, forget it, let’s drop the whole thing!” But I just can’t. Thank goodness for my tremendous work ethic, which somehow summons the courage and effort to coax Ryan into a this dreaded conversation. I constantly wonder if it’s worth it- is this uphill battle a sign I should back off? I told Ryan I will, I will drop the whole thing and back off, but he will have to tell me to do it. Firmly.
And he hasn’t – he says “let’s move forward.”
So I say “ok, go give your semen sample.”
Argument ensues. The people pleaser cringes, but the workaholic presses on. I compose a ballet, 140 characters at a time, and keep him talking.
In the end he did it- he went to the clinic, paid $125 and provided a semen sample. He griped about a great many things along the way (hot receptionist, hot new girl being trained, the “attic” room he had to do the deed in, etc.), but he did it.
You see? The salesman in him must be wearing off on me after all.