Is THIS the beginning?

Pearl, the RN at the office, gave me exactly the information I was looking for:

  1. Start taking prenatal vitamins and folic acid ASAP.
  2. Start taking birth control pills on Day 2 of my period, which should start in about 4 days.
  3. Clinic payment of $12,200 will be due about November 16th.
  4. Egg retrieval and transfer will occur somewhere in the weeks of December 7th – 14th. (2015 Christmas will be the best or worst ever.)

This morning I was so nervous my hands were physically shaking. But as I put one foot in front of the other and filled out the application for the Home Equity Loan, I began to sense a bit of relief.  I can actually do something.  FINALLY no more idling, waiting, thinking.  However, after months of prayer and thought and more prayer I still have many hesitations.  The Bible doesn’t exactly spell out a “thou shall not do IVF” for us in the 21st century. My prayer of late has been to tell God we are moving forward with this, and to change our hearts, convict our spirits or close this door if IVF is not in accordance with His will.  To be honest, I can’t say I’ve heard much back.

I suppose the bottom line is we have free will and free choice on this Earth, and pursuing IVF (and all the potential consequences) is totally up to us.  It’s like Corinthians says “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” Will IVF be beneficial?  I think so, as long as I lean heavily into Jesus EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.  There will be ethical questions (extra embryos?) and hard conversations (we know Ryan doesn’t talk about feelings) and I do not pretend to have a great game plan, here at the beginning.  I do have faith God is good, He’s leading the way, and will not give us more than we can handle.  Following His lead, I believe this whole experience will yield better results than I could have hoped, regardless of what those results will be.

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