The doctor told us we are a go! But first must “eat like a monk” for 4-6 months. This is more for Ryan’s sake than mine, and he has taken it very seriously, probably the greatest indication that he wants this. I am still eating like it’s the holidays. We have two date options: early June or late July. We haven’t decided yet.
The buyer on our house backed out, though we are still on the market, still in contract for the new place, not giving up on our dream. It kind of feels like infertility all over again, getting so excited when someone comes to see it, thinking “this might be it! After today everything will change!” But the longer time drags on and no offers roll in, we start to wonder if our house will ever sell. However we are no strangers to waiting, and so we wait.
My sister Leah announced her pregnancy yesterday. Ouch. Forgive me for saying that. Of course I am happy for her and would never in a million years wish hardship or infertility upon her and her husband. Most of me sincerely celebrates this exciting news. I suppose it’s mostly “ouch” for the way she did it – she dropped by unannounced when I was having a tax meeting with a family friend. I would have preferred her speaking with me alone, giving me a chance to speak about it and honestly process my feelings. It was the tail end of a long, tiring weekend and was hard to hear, and I felt very put on the spot.
I am learning a lesson about the vault I’ve kept of this infertility journey full of grief and tears. I’ve made it clear to my family I don’t want to talk about it, and they have respected my request. However, with Leah’s announcement, I would have liked to hear from my mom or sister Alexis. I wondered if they would call to see how I was doing or if I was ok, if the big family news was hard for me, but they didn’t. These are the boundaries I have set, and I see now maybe they weren’t the best. I will rethink going forward.