Last Natural Cycle

“Was thinking it would be awesome if somehow by the grace of God you got pregnant.”

I went away for the weekend with some of my girlfriends. While I was crushing grapefruits and limes into my tequila and peering out at the expanse of blue lake waters off the patio, my phone buzzed on the countertop and this was the message that appeared.

According to my app, last week I was ovulating.  This was my last natural ovulation before starting BCP, hella hormone injections, and ultimately completing an IVF cycle.  So like any good couple who is trying to conceive, we tried.

You see after almost 5 years of negative pregnancy tests, next-to-nothing sperm counts, and doctors telling us “you are not a candidate,” we still hold out hope.  A part of both Ryan and I still think maybe this month will be different.  Maybe we will be that lucky couple who tried and failed and tried and failed and waited years and finally signed up for IVF and just weeks before starting we got pregnant naturally!

That’s the worst part of infertility, in my opinion.  No matter how slim your chances, how long, how broke, how much the hope and optimism has been beat out you, you still naively wait for your period every damn month and think “maybe this could be it.”

But if not, at least I know we didn’t go down without a fight.

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