A week of deciding

Monday: Ryan went to "watch the game" at a sportsbar, stayed for HOURS but didn't eat or dink a thing. He came home late, raging with anger, frustration and stress over everything in life from his job to infertility to his desire to own a dog that he almost started crying.  We didn't talk about our decision. Tuesday: Ryan is …

Last Ditch Sperm Check

My phone rang just as I turned on the TV to watch some 90 Day Fiancé while stuffing a salad down my throat at lunch.  It was Ryan calling, not the doctor's office, only Ryan told me he'd just gotten off the phone with Dr. Mean herself. The prognosis: Ryan's most recent sample looked a little better.  But …

Waiting for Bad News

Tomorrow Pearl will call with the results of Ryan's most recent semen sample.  I'll be at work, and am expecting bad news.  Fortunately, I've had time to prepare so hopefully I won't cry at my desk or anything when I hear "I'm sorry, there has been no change since the last analysis, and IVF is …

When a Door Closes

Pearl called from the doctor's office with unexpected news. Their specialist examined Ryan's latest sperm sample not just for numbers, but quality, and quality was very poor. She talked really fast, told me to hold off on purchasing any IVF prescriptions, and that Ryan will need to return in a few days for ANOTHER sample. So I clarified: "Next week …

Still Waiting

On that awful Monday in the kitchen Ryan had the good sense to tell me "Don't cancel anything. We haven't paid any money, we haven't signed any papers, so let's just think about it." So days passed, and we talked.  Here is what we DO agree on: Scope: If we do IVF, it will happen once, not including frozen embryo transfers.  …